“INFP ako eh. Dati INFJ," batting my lashes as if saying something that everyone knows already.
My friend was talking about how the results he received from the famous Jung Personality Test varied every year. I decided to interrupt his animated story telling by sharing my results. Ofcourse, knowing me, in a less animated way.
I hope this INFP stuff will be informatively fun but it’s not what I’m really trying to bring to light. Just giving you a bit of a back story. And btw, I don’t use psychological test results as major defining factors of who I am.
Let me continue. :)
INFJ, my intial result, stands for Introvert INtuitive Feeling Judging. INFJs basically "have a unique combination of idealism and decisiveness." They can manage to successfully express how they feel despite being private people. They are very sensitive and long for reciprocation. On the other hand, with a bit of variation, INFP, my recent result, stands for Introvert INtuitive Feeling Perseptive. INFPs "are usually perceived as calm, reserved or even shy" but "their inner flame and passion is not something to be taken lightly.”
My friend kept his gaze at me, as if waiting for me to continue.
"AY, ano nga ulit yung F at…", thinking about the opposite of "F",
"Yung ‘F’ at ‘T’? Yung ‘F’ ay ‘feeling’. Yung ‘T’ ay ‘thinking’", he interrupted, finishing my sentence.
"AHHH. AY. ‘T’ pala ako. "Thinking". Wala akong feelings eh. Hahaha." I was kidding. But then, most jokes aren’t pure in its sense.
"Alam ko. Halata naman eh. Hahahaha", he replied while wearing a supposedly insulting smile.
To be honest, I wasn’t insulted at all. I knew behind his accusing smile is a longing for me to know that I am not exactly the most emotional girl in the whole universe and that something has to be done about it. And I knew he meant well. .
I took the test again just now. It says I am an INTJ. It stands for Introvert INtuitive Thinking Judging. INTJs "radiate self-confidence, relying on their huge archive of knowledge spanning many different topics and areas." They know what they know, and more importantly, they know what they don’t know. However, they struggle to find delight in chit-chats because they immediately long for a deeper connection -something that would make sense. But the thing is they are so rational to the point of having difficulty building relationships, which are basically built through love -something that cannot be deduced via an equation.
So let me get you closer to what I’m driving at.
Let me say this again. I am not exactly the most emotional girl in the whole universe.
I don’t scream out of excitement or joy. I don’t blurt out “I love you” as if buying a candy from a store. I don’t wave complements. I don’t mail love letters. I want to reserve extreme reactions and cheesy actions for moments of one or two. I want to make sure that every word that comes out from my mouth comes from the bottom of my heart, not something that spills out of too much fleeting emotions. So if I tell you I love you, I really mean I love you. When I tell you I’m happy, inside I am leaping out of joy. And when I am sad? Oh, you can bet that I really I am.
So for the past five days, I am experiencing the kind of sadness that does not resemble anger or fear. It is not the kind that seeks revenge or longs for a sweet cuddle. It is a sadness that is as is. Have you ever felt this? The kind that no fragrant words or pack of gifts will mend?
The kind that begs time to pass so that it may heal?
I’m guessing you’re thinking what happened. What made me feel something extreme?
Let’s just say that I cared. I hoped. I got excited. Remember how unusual for those feelings to come by all at the same time? But apparently, they weren’t feeling the same. Atleast not in the same intensity as I did. And they think it was their absence that helped me ache. For one, it did. But the enthusiasm that was not present in their eyes was what made a clear cut.
I am not posting this to gain empathy. You know I am too INTJ for that. Hehehe. I am revealing this to remind everyone, even myself, to not think that once a straight face, always a straight face.
She wasn’t hurt when you did that so you think nothing will get in her? Is she so strong in your eyes that you forget the reason she is strong is because she celebrates her weaknesses?
Nah guys and gals.
So be careful. Just like anyone, she has feelings. They may not be floating like others’. But they exist.