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"Lord, you call me to live in the world without embracing the ways of the world. Help me to live in a way that preserves my freedom to follow you wherever and however you lead. If I should leave behind a monument, may it be a reminder to others of faith and not foolishness.
- A. Sprangler & J. Syswerda, Women of the Bible

The Antithesis

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THE STORY. Months ago, I made a blog dedicated for my century old, complex feelings (a.k.a rants). I am the only person who knows about that blog. I decided I had too much feelings. Being the introverted person that I inevitably am, talking to other people was not my obvious choice. So every night I felt like throwing an imagined tantrum, I typed my feelings away. I felt so relieved. Partly because I was somehow releasing the emotions but majorly because my anonymity blocked all significant judgement from people. I can blabber about anyone and anything, say the meanest things, and get away with it. What a relief, huh? :) I decided that some people just snap and as Jessie J sang, it’s okay not to be okay. 

The funny thing is, as much as I tried to be pessimistic and rigidly closed my eyes from the light that is love and hope, the blog only lasted for a week. Heck, I can’t even remember the URL no matter how much I tried! Believe me, I went through countless “username or password is incorrect”. I guess as much as I found momentary delight in simply letting out every tiny bit of feelings I had, I found no joy in risking how many people will I drag down with me if I continue to be such a self loathing person. One day I am this girl who runs opposite her laptop and complains about everything in a virtual, secret world, and I am pretty sure later the hate will spread in my heart. An ugly heart creates ugly thoughts. Ugly thoughts produce ugly actions. I don’t want these. I understand that life isn’t real without getting sad sometimes. But to casually spit out the bitterest words while not aiming to feel better anytime soon? If I ever needed extra grace, that was the perfect time.

We coexist. I was reminded how our lives, in even the slightest, featheriest ways, are interconnected. My actions, good or bad, have consequences on myself and on other people. And I don’t intend to run around in this world spending too much thought on myself that I forget how wonderful it is to be given an opportunity to be a salt and light, which is why I started this blog anyway. :)

Henceforth, I conclude to blog for a purpose. I am often told that I have a fairly strong personality. Might as well use the edge to provoke and write for a purpose. :) Two years after launching this blog I am still figuring out what to share. But I know I am more than a hundred days closer to figuring out.

I hereby promise to fill this blog not with numerous posts (a.k.a random twitter and ig reposts + edited photos with hurried two-sentence captions), but with sparse yet honest and carefully thought of entries (a.k.a dramarama stories like this).

Quality over quantity. The realization applies to real life conversations too. The world is already filled with so much negativity and vagueness. It does not need me to pile up. I intend to not sound like I live a daily vibrant and perfect life, but aim to constantly open my eyes (and hopefully yours too :) ) to God’s vast love and transforming grace. :)

Live a life of love.
Let no one deceive you with empty words.

Live as children of light.
-
Ephesians 5: 2,6,8

A little too late for summer. 🌴🌻🌸

Late for #ManiMonday too. 😁
#nailart #nails #flowers

There are some things that you have to take into your own hands… Like your hair. 😅😄

#parlorfreesince2011

A five-minute reminder.
Whatever it is, the only way to do it is to do it with passion. 😆

Quote by Vincent Van Gogh.

#toomessytobecalledcaligraphy #but #art

Good evening from my baby turtles! 😊😊
#ManiMonday #nailart

Something about her eyes 😉😉😉

#whatkeptmeawaketill3am
#art #sneakpeek

I’m now on Instagram! ☺
And still on twitter ☺

Follow me: @paammbihira

n_n

(Base photo not mine)

Aaaannd this marks the end of my hiatus.

How are you?? I missed tumbling. /so why did you ever leave, self/

Of course, much has happened. Most I cannot share. *wink wink* But I owe you a lot of stories so from now on (I swear!!!), I’ll hangout more here!

Here’s to the start of a new blogging phase!!!

When I was younger, I remember how EVERYDAY you go home early from work to make sure all our home works were done and we have read the next lesson for all our subjects.
I remember you being thorough, making sure every answer was on point. 
You even made mock exams.  Whenever me and kuya have to do a speech/declamation/oration,
you teach us how to say the lines, when our voice should rise and fall, what expression to show and what actions would suffice. 

It is only after helping us with school work and asking us about our day that you start with your own home works from office.

Though we have grown and now you don’t have to sit us down to make sure we do our home works,
everyday I see the same dedicated, sweet and honorable woman.  The kind that sends me 
encouraging messages everyday and goes to my room every night whenever I’m home to ask me about my day and pray for me. Araw-araw. Walang palya. 

Thank you for paying attention to all the details. Thank you for showing me the purpose and value of dedication and excellence. 

I thought about writing this on real paper instead of posting it here 
but the world deserves to know how great you are. 

Happy Mother’s Day, Mama! Love you!

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